epic fail

I think it's safe to say that Jessie & I fail at blogging. We've taken a huge step recently and right now we're going at full speed. I barely have time to think these days, it seems. So in saying that, I think it'd be better to *officially* say we're taking a short break from blogging. Nothing more than a month, I'm sure. We've got a lot of sorting out and moving to do, parties to plan and arrangements to make, and hopefully it'll go quickly so we can get back to this place, and you guys.


See you in a month!!


Love,

Billie

A sexy note to self

Note to self:

It's WAY easier to wield the strap on wearing boxer briefs and threading it through the fly.

Also, sexing on the floor is a good idea since it's harder to slip on carpet than on the bed.

Picture show and exciting updates!

Hi dear readers, since you all got it right last week, yes, the picture was indeed of Birkenstocks. It was so easy that I can only offer a moderate level of admiration and respect. Since it's not Wednesday, I won't post a picture today, you'll have to wait until next week!

I'm eternally sorry that we're late getting this update to you, but Billie and I were busy Tuesday getting married along with the rest of gaydom. Yes, that's right, we're now legally married in the state of California.

On Monday, June 16th, after work, I picked up Billie from her office and we hiked up to Norwalk, where they were issuing licenses and performing first-come first-serve civil ceremonies. Thinking that there would surely be a huge line, we were ready to get in line at about 7:00, but no one was there! So we asked the cop about camping out, and he said that it was fine, and that Norwalk was expecting about 10,000 people to be in line on Tuesday.

TEN THOUSAND?! HOLY CRAP.*

Billie and I looked at each other with a bit of terror, and even more resolution in our eyes. So, since nothing seemed to be going on at the civic center, we went to the movies to see The Incredible Hulk. I thought it was incredible, Billie fell asleep half way through.** We went BACK to the civic center, and still, no one was there, so we decided to go to Target to get snacks and playing cards and set up camp.

You know how there are different kinds of lesbians? Camping lesbians, artsy lesbians, scenester lesbians, raging feminist lesbians, grad student lesbians? Turns out Billie and I aren't the camping kind. We only brought one blanket and no pillows, though we did have a couple of beach chairs and Billie's ipod speaker to keep us happy.

After a bitterly cold night of dodging sprinklers and sleeping on the hard ground, the reporters started showing up at around 5:00am. This is where it gets funny, I promise!


Here are the reporters. You can see how it's still dark outside.

Now, Billie and I are having a grand ole' traditional ceremony with flowers, girls to scatter the flowers, cake, dancing and all that stuff. However, it was important for us to be a part of this super-special day and secure our rights. We wanted to keep it on the down-low, though, so that our respective familys would get more excited about the big ceremony without knowing that we were already married. Getting married incognito was not in our stars this day. Since we got there so damned early, we were first in line, and therefore, first to recieve the attention of every. single. reporter. on the scene.



Here's me getting interviewed for the 7,450th time.*** This particular guy was a bit pushy.

We eventually were featured in the following newspapers, tv shows, radio shows and magazines:
LA Times (both newspaper and website), La Opinion, The Whittier Daily News, the Pasadena paper, Japan Today, The Long Beach Press Telegram, The Concord Monitor, MSNBC.com, SGV Tribune, channels 7, 4, 11, and 5, NPR and KNX News Radio.

Being first in line got us all kinds of extra bonuses, though it was still frustrating as the system of lines, stations and procedures Norwalk set up to manage the influx of homos wasn't quite working. We finally got our marriage license (with Party A and Party B designations), and were ushered down to the tents they set up to have the civil ceremony performed.


Here we are exchanging vows.**** I think I promised to love, honor and respect Billie for as long as we both shall live, but what I remember most is my heart pounding in my chest, and looking into her eyes for peace and calm after an amazingly hectic and crazy day. The guy marrying us is Dean Logan, Acting Registrar Recorder for the county, and our witness's name was Elizabeth, and she was so sweet and so excited for us.

Her parting words were that marriage "Takes work every day, but it's so worth it. Good luck."

The point of this blog initially was to offer up Do's and Don'ts in a lesbian relationship, but now, I think we'll be including snippets of the every-day-work that it will take to make our marriage successful, happy and long.

*The number ended up being far, far less.
**She's so cute when she's sleeping!
*** That used to be my official First Date Shirt, but now it's my Get Married and Go To A Funeral in The Same Day Shirt.
**** My ass looks good in this picture!

ring ring, is that you on the phone?

I would've posted this sooner but we were too busy telling everyone else we know!

As of June 11, 2008, Jessie & I are officially engaged!


Yessir, we are tying the knot.

In keeping with the theme of our blog, I'll finish the post with a Tip: When proposing to your girlfriend/partner, there should be only one requirement: ask whenever it feels right. And go all out on the Cheese. Profess your love to her. Tell her you want this forever. Hold her really tight. And when she says yes, don't hold back. Tell the whole world how much you love her.

Also, a champagne toast and hot hot sex should always ensue.


Champagne Dream, courtesy of Belmont Brewery Company in Long Beach, CA. Do try!

Wednesday Unpack The U-Haul Picture Show

Congratulations to Leo MacCool, winner of the second installment of our Wednesday Unpack The U-Haul Picture Show!

Yes, ladies and... er... ladies, Leo hit the nail on the head with her guess: the Subaru logo.

For what is a lesbian without a Subaru?

...ok, so neither Jessie nor I own one, but if we had the money, best believe we would be all up in that Forester. And we would take it on all of our camping/hiking/road-tripping/protesting/other-lesbian-like excursions.

Thanks, Leo, for reading le blog and for being a good sport. :)

This week's picture show features nothing other than:

Have fun!

just stand there and look pretty

As a small addendum to Jessie's post on being a butch woman, let me just say this: I am so very glad I have one. Why? Well, simply put, there's just no way I could do this myself:


Aside from having someone to carry the "heavy things" and having some sort of extra protection when we walk around at night, I also have the privilege of standing there and looking pretty while my girlfriend fixes my flat tire.


This has actually happened three times since we've been together (and again yesterday), and each time, I've gotten to do the driving, standing and handing-things-to while Jess pops lug nuts off of my car.

Girls, go get yourselves one.

Being the "guy" in the relationship

I own no bras. I wear undershirts. I love my hair product. I rejoice when I find pants with a 30-inch inseam in the men's section of Target. My mother shakes her head in disappointment everytime she sees me. Waiters always hand me the check and the wine list, and mechanics always ask me "So where do you get your work done?" when we take Billie's car in for repairs.

I'm butch. Butch for SoCal, anyway. I've been told there are different levels...or something. I don't have any work boots, but I have many polo shirts. And right now, I'm going to take this time to reflect on being a masculine woman, what it means to me, and what it seems to mean to others.

I think one of the big misconceptions some people have is that in a relationship that involves two women, where one is butch, that the butch one wants to be a man, and that the other woman wishes she was with a man. While I don't get mistaken for a guy very often anymore*, I purposefully do everything in my power to diminish my feminine qualities. This however doesn't mean I'm not a woman. I think it calls for a redefinition of what it means to be a woman, beyond simply having feminine features and characteristics.** I'm not going to propose a redefinition right now, but I might say that the things that make me a woman include my cooperative, often passive, attitude. I'm rarely aggressive and dominant (outside of the bedroom). I love to cook and provide for people.***

I also happen to really like my vagina and all its parts. I've never equated my own womanhood with my ability (presumed ability, I've never tried it out) to have children. Maybe it's because I knew from an early age that I wouldn't be involved in the whole baby thing. Maybe it's because being able to have kids seems like a small part of a person's overall potential as a human being. In any case, I don't recall ever having the urge to procreate using my own parts.

Though I told Billie that if we wanted kids, and she wasn't able to have them, that I'd do the work, the thought of bearing children makes me uncomfortable in a strange way. It's been a long road, with many battles fought (mostly with my mom, some with myself) to arrive at my current gender presentation. I really like the person I am right now. I have the aspects of masculinity that I like, my hair is finally at the right length, and I like to wear boxers. I felt deeply uncomfortable looking feminine, and it was impossible for me to display my masculine qualities while I was still living with my parents. The resulting compromise between me and my mother resulted in a really unfortunate asexual, genderless appearance, which lead to me getting absolutely no play until I was 19. Somehow, being pregnant seems like it would invalidate all the work I've done to individualize myself and finally reconcile the inner Me and the outer Me.

I will admit, on the other hand, that I'm still terribly insecure, especially about this particular issue, so perhaps by the time me and the girlfriend-future-wifey want kidlets, I'll have the mental fortitude to be able to do that without feeling like I'm defeating myself.

ANYWAY, Billie isn't dating me because she really wants to be with a guy, and I happened to be handy. I don't dress this way because I want to be a man, I just want to be me. In actuality, when I was in college, learning about my butchness (as well as Old English and How Babies Get Made (also known as Bio for Humanities Folks) I had a phase where I considered the possibility that I was transsexual. I'm pretty sure now that this wasn't because I'm actually transsexual (which I'm not) but born more of the fear of being a masculine woman. It was as if changing my sex would somehow validate my gender, and that being a butch woman somehow didn't "work."

According to MY family, anything was better than being a butch woman. Cough.

You know what else I hate? When people ask "So which one of you is 'the dude'"? First of all, you should be able to tell the difference between my inches of hair, and Billie's feet of hair.**** Secondly, you know what else? We're both women, there are no dudes involved, that's kind of The Point.

Another thing I hate: Yes, we use a strap on. No, it's not because either of us is secretly craving penis. Even though my hands are perfectly adept at playing piano, bass, guitar and saxophone, they're a bit dainty. They're good with the g-spot, but can't really deliver that "full" feeling. That's where The Nightstick comes in.

It's been a real task for me to become comfortable with my masculine qualities, and I think I've come out a more confident person at the end of it. I don't know if there will be a journey to rediscover (or discover for the first time) any more feminine qualities I might have, but I don't think it will be for some time. In any instance, I'm perfectly happy with my presentation, clothes, characteristics. The balance of masculine and feminine that makes me me.

I can't think of much else to reflect on right now, so if I think of something, I'll come back and talk to you all more about it.

*See me, junior high - high school.
**I'm not going to take the time to list my masculine attributes, but let's say that they involve my biceps, love for video games and collection of swords.
** Also note that I'm not saying that men do not have these characteristics. I just happen to think that these things make me a woman.
****Yes, that was a joke.